Category Archives: Abuse and The Law

i-need-your-help

I hope your week is off to a wonderful start.

I am in the process of planning my content for the rest of 2016 and I’ve hit a mental block.

I’ve been posting content daily for a little more than a year now and think that maybe it’s time for a little overhaul.

As I was trying to figure all this out, I realised something.

I NEED HELP!!
Specifically, I’d LOVE your help

What I would love your help with is . . .
• Any burning business related questions you want to ask
• Any particular topics you want to hear me talk more about here on this page
• Would you like or prefer me to share business related information via short video messages?
• What would you like popping into your inbox from me every week? Would you like me to do a weekly/monthly newsletter? If so, what topics would you like me to cover that would inspire and empower you and help you build a thriving business?
• If you would like to receive a weekly/monthly newsletter from me, please provide me with your e-mail address for my mailing list.

If you could spare a minute or so just to give me some feedback I would appreciate it so much. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Would you prefer a short video more than reading posts here? Do you prefer Podcasts to video? Do you want a newsletter? If yes, how often? Weekly or monthly? What topics would you like covered?

Let me know anything and everything that will help inspire me to create content that you will love.

I look forward to receiving your feedback in the comments box below.

Have a lovely week.

7 Signs of an “Emotionally Abusive Relationship” (All Women MUST WATCH)

Power & Control (man & woman on couch)

Are you currently in an abusive relationship? Have you dated someone in the past who was abusive?

Watch the 7 Signs of An Abusive Relationship to learn what to do.

Flowers on wooden table

Here are the 7 signs:

1. He’s a psycho saddist – he literally feels better about himself the more than he puts you down. Maybe he constantly humiliates you, criticizes you, or embarrasses you.

2. You’re forced to always put his needs in front of your own needs because you’re scared of how he might react.

3. He makes you believe that you are the reason why the relationship is struggling – or that you’re the crazy one.

4. He cheats on you or intentionally tries to make you jealous.

5. He treats you like a pet, not like a person. Does he control where you go, what you do? Does he keep you from seeing friends or family, or limit your access to money, the phone or the car?

6. He makes you feel inferior by negatively comparing you to other people or other women.

7. You’re afraid of him

He . . . A blog by Sam

It was 1995. I was 14. I met him in Meadowhall, he called out to me and said I was beautiful. I was flattered as he was older. If an older man thought I was attractive, then I must be pretty cool, right?

He caught my hand as I walked past him and his friends, pulling me towards him. I blushed and looked at the floor. He called me gorgeous and said all the things that men in movies say to women.

He asked for my number and I got flustered, I told him I was 14 and he couldn’t call my house as I’d get in bother with my mum and so he gave me his and told me to phone him.

Read more here:

He. 

Does he love, I want to know?

Hi everyone

This week I’m going to re-post something I wrote for my personal blog because I think it is appropriate for this site as well.

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Here’s the link:

Do you know what an Emotional Manipulator looks like?

Power & Control (man & woman on couch)

How often have you heard words like “that person is a Narcisssist” or “he/she has a Borderline Personality” or “she’s Anti-Social”? Do you realise that these are not just words that can easily be attached to people? These are real mental health conditions and unless you have a qualification is Psychology or a mental health discipline, you are not qualified to use these labels without merit.

People with Personality Disorders are not evil. They have a mental illness. They are not just wilfully behaving badly, they are behaving the way their brain is telling them to behave.

According to the DSM-V diagnostic criteria “Personality disorders are a class of mental disorders characterised by enduring maladaptive patterns of behaviour, cognition and inner experience, exhibited across many contexts and deviating markedly from those accepted by the individual’s culture. These patterns develop early, are inflexible, and are associated with significant distress or disability.”

If you do a search for these disorders on the website for the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) you will find it says “will add description later” because these disorders are so difficult to define.

The question you need to ask yourself is: how do you know if the person you are dating or divorcing has a Personality Disorder or if they are really just behaving badly?

The answer is – it doesn’t matter.

If someone is hurting you physically or manipulating you emotionally, you must stop allowing them to do so. The reason for their behaviour is irrelevant. We need to realise and understand that people can be dangerous even if they are not “evil”. No matter how much empathy you have for the other person’s struggles, you do not deserve to be mistreated or abused.

Power and Control (Groom & Bride)

Looking back on your relationship with an emotional manipulator, if you think about the behaviour they displayed at the beginning of your relationship you will see the following red flags were present:

1. An intense, sometimes urgent, courting period
2. Pressure to commit to an exclusive relationship before you knew each other well or felt totally comfortable doing so
3. Tendencies to being jealous, explained away with overflowing compliments about how desirable you are, or statements about how “you just don’t get how guys/girls are”
4. Subtle put-downs, often disguised as friendly advice or constructive criticism
5. Dismissive responses to your feelings and your accomplishments
6. Qualified apologies for bad behaviour
7. Your gut tells you something is wrong – never ignore your gut feeling

Always remember that just because you thought you liked someone, agreed to going on a date with them, paid for a few of their meals, had sex with them, told them you love them or anything else, you are never under any obligation to continue a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad or uncomfortable in any way.

No one knows you better than yourself, and if someone is trying to tell you that you are wrong about how you think you feel – RUN!!!! Don’t walk to the nearest exit. RUN!!!!!

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/7-red-flags-emotional-manipulators-wave-ajrt/#sthash.aleczj6o.dput

Still . . . I Rise!

Chick breaking out of shell

The world is missing what I am ready to give. My wisdom, my sweetness, my love and my hunger for peace.

Where are you? Where are you, little girl with broken wings but full of hope? Where are you, wise woman covered in wounds? Where are you?

Still I Rise
By Maya Angelou (1978)

“You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I’ll rise.

Rose opening Animation

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don’t you take it awful hard
‘Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines
Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.”

Watch: Today I Rise

Food for Thought:
• The ability to “rise” repeatedly from such depths is the fruit of tremendous inner strength
• This poem is an obstinate celebration rooted in identification and a desire for freedom
• This poem speaks of the author’s capacity to love, her willingness to forgive and overcome
• The poem emphasizes the individual strength needed to rise above the efforts to oppress, obscure and dehumanise

From And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Reprinted by permission of Random House, Inc.

Gender-Based Violence Command Centre wins Best Technology Innovation world award

Announcement animation

Pretoria, November 5, 2015 – The Department of Social Development’s Gender-Based Violence Command Centre (GBVCC) – a 24-hour call centre dedicated to providing support and counselling to victims of gender based violence – has been named the Best Technology Innovation – Small Centre of the world at the Global Best Contact Centre Awards in Las Vegas on November 5.

As the Gold Medal Winner, this means the GBVCC is ranked number one in the world in its category.

This adds to three other highly acclaimed service awards the GBVCC has won since its launch in March 2014 – the Innovation Award in the Contact Centre Management Group (CCMG) awards, the Changing Lives Award in the Africom Awards, as well as the Golden Award won in the Technological Innovation Awards in London.

Minister for Social Development, Ms Bathabile Dlamini, says the international recognition of the GBVCC communicates the South African government’s commitment to fighting gender-based violence to the rest of the world and places the country at the lead of international best practice against gender-based violence.

“We launched the Command Centre as part of our service delivery improvement programme aimed at responding quicker, more effectively and innovatively to social challenges in the country, Project Mikondzo. Being recognised for best technology innovation in the world confirms that we are on the right track and it inspires us to work even harder to find inventive ways of responding effectively to the social challenges in the country.

Rose opening Animation

“The award comes just a few weeks before we launch the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women and Children 2015 Campaign and emboldens us to work harder to eradicate violence against women and children. We express our thanks to the organisations who have partnered with us in making this project a reality,” said Minister Dlamini.

The GBVCC uses mobile technology to estimate the location of a victim, assign the closest social worker in the field to the case, and record and receive continuous feedback on the case. When a caller contacts the GBVCC from a mobile phone, they are (with explicit permission) geographically located, enabling the Centre to determine the resources nearest to the caller, whether it be a social worker, a police station, a hospital or safe house. In this way, help is dispatched in quick fashion.

The toll free number to call to speak to a social worker for assistance and counselling is 0800 428 428 (0800 GBV GBV). Callers can also request a social worker from the Command Centre to contact them by dialling *120*7867# (free) from any cell phone.

Girl holding teddy

The GBVCC emanated from the work of the Inter-Ministerial Committee (IMC) on the Root Causes of Violence Against Women and Children – chaired by Minister Dlamini.

The IMC was established by President Jacob Zuma in May 2012 to reinforce political leadership and accountability in the national prevention and response to the rising figures of sexual violence in our country.

The membership of the IMC comprises of the Ministers of Justice and Constitutional Development; Women; Home Affairs; Police and Basic Education. Through the GBVCC, the work of this Committee is certainly contributing towards the improvement of the country response to and prevention of sexual violence.
-Ends-

ISSUED BY THE NATIONAL DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT in South Africa
Media inquiries: Lumka Oliphant on 083 484 8067 or lumkao@dsd.gov.za

365 Days of Violence Against Women – Because We Can!

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The 16 days for no violence against women and children is commemorated annually from 25 November to 10 December and every year a theme is usually assigned to the campaign in an effort to get everyone speaking with one voice.

The theme for the campaign in South Africa for 2015 is: “Count me in: Together moving a non-violent South Africa forward”.

Sadly, I find this theme laughable! Why?

Abuse_Woman hiding face

Violence against women and children in South Africa continues unabated because there are no serious consequences for the perpetrators and because, in most cases, the courts and justice system fail the victims, survivors and their families.

All this violence is perpetrated in spite of wonderful progressive legislation which looks good on paper, but in reality, serves no purpose. We have, for example:

• The Domestic Violence Act (which has one of the broadest definitions of violence against women and children)
• South Africa has ratified the Convention on Violence Against Women
• South Africa has introduced a 365 days National Action Plan to end gender violence
• South Africa has instituted a National Council against gender-based violence
• South Africa has prioritised measures for the promotion and empowerment of women, such as setting up a special Government department

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In spite of all this, violence against women and children continues. Various studies have shown that 40 – 50 percent of women have experienced intimate partner violence. On top of all this, incidents of violence against women and children still go largely unreported. The approximately 50,000 rapes reported annually are estimated to be about nine times lower than the actual number reported.

Violence against women and children is so firmly entrenched in South Africa and it does not seem to be changing. Instead, violence has become an accepted way to assert and reassert masculinity and dominance.

Abuse_Woman on couch

What we need in South Africa:
• Government to provide resources to enforce the legislation that will send a strong message that these acts are unacceptable.
• Government must help change the cultural and religious beliefs and practices. Reforming gender-violent cultural and religious beliefs will be extremely challenging – almost impossible – if public leaders continue to enforce stereotypical beliefs and practices
• Civil society is in a position to work with people in transforming misguided cultural and religious beliefs and practices and has a duty to see to it that legislation and policies on violence against women are enforced.
• Civil society has to help improve people’s understanding of the relevant laws and policies and restore their trust in Government institutions.
• Civil society needs to publicly condemn Government leaders who speak and act in ways that enforce gender equality and women’s marginalisation.

Abuse_Woman cowering

We need a strong, united, multi-level response from both Government and civil society which is still not happening. Women and children continue to suffer as a result.

I also wrote:
The Stages of Power a mature man must progress through –
Find it here:

Valencia Farmer . . . We will not forget you!

Waterfall and rainbow

If you click on the “About Us” tab on our website, you will see that Women Demand Dignity was started as a result of a brutal attack on Alison Saayman who was nearly killed in her home in Observatory, Cape Town; it was also the year that 19-year old Valencia Farmer was gang raped and left for dead, living long enough to name her murderers.

Valencia Farmer was 14 when she was raped in an abandoned house in Eucalyptus Street, Eersterivier, in June 1999. She was repeatedly stabbed and her throat was slit.

She crawled into the street where a neighbour found her. She died in Tygerberg Hospital, but was able to tell police who her attackers were.

Picture of Valencia Farmer’s naked bleeding body will stay with me forever http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Picture-of-Valencias-naked-bleeding-body-will-stay-with-me-forever-20150915

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New arrest in 16-year old murder – a surprise for victim’s mom
http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/New-arrest-in-16-year-old-murder-a-surprise-Victims-mom-20150914

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The questions currently being asked are:

• Who will support the mother emotionally while she is suffering secondary trauma all over again?
• What sort of financial compensation will this traumatised mother receive during this time and afterwards?
• Where will the emotional and financial support come from?
• How will our justice system deal with this case? Will the perpetrators receive life sentences?
• Where are all the activists who made their voices heard 16 years ago? What are they saying/doing today?

What are your thoughts?

Do let us know . . .

What about the women in South Africa?

Rose opening Animation

#WeNeedToTalkSA
Conversation alert, save the date…. 4 September

“We Need to Talk… about women’s movements in South Africa”
As part of our conversation series “We Need to Talk…” our next event falls on the tail end of Women’s Month 2015.

We are observing the subject of feminism and women’s movements in SA is being raised more and more in different spoken and written forums. We think it timely to reflect upon what has been achieved for women in a historical context and what the challenges and future opportunities are for women’s activism in South Africa.

We have a great line up of speakers and topics, please contact us on Tshwaranang@tlac.org.za for more information.

In the meantime, see this opinion piece written by Zama Ndlovuone, one of the speakers who will participate:
Find it here

Newspaper

“Sex workers are selling services.They are not selling their body..”
This Women’s Month on 26 August, the Sex Workers Education and Advocacy Taskforce (SWEAT), Sisonke National Sex Workers Movement, the Women’s Legal Centre and Sonke Gender Justice will launch a new decriminalisation coalition called ‘Asijiki’.

Asijiki is a fight for recognition, protection and equal access to justice rights for sex workers. Tshwaranang wholeheartedly supports the goals of Asijiki.

Dianne Massawe, of SWEAT will speak about the sex workers movement in South Africa at our next conversation “We Need to Talk… about women’s movements in South Africa”

Join us on 4 September at the event in Braamfontein or via twitter feed‪#‎WeNeedToTalkSA‬

Contact us for details Tshwaranang@tlac.org.za
Find us here

Clip Art Graphic of a Pillar Cartoon Character

Why resist the temptation to be cynical about women’s month says Rebecca Davis from the Daily Maverick
http://www.dailymaverick.co.za/…/2015-08-03-why-womens-mo…/…

Pansies

What is the reason for a women’s month and what does it mean?
Find it here

Ant (pondering)

In other news this month . . .

A man on trial for rape was alleged to have told a 12-year-old victim to “shake yourself, shake yourself” before sexually assaulting her in full view of her two friends.
Read about it here:

Flowers Dazzling Animation

Helen Moffett Takes Down the Department of Women in 17 Tweets (Without Swearing Once)
http://bookslive.co.za/blog/2015/07/24/helen-moffett-takes-down-the-department-of-women-in-17-tweets-without-swearing-once/