Monthly Archives: January 2016

Listen!

Lets_Talk

When I ask you to listen to me
and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen!! All I asked, was that you listen
Not talk or do – just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 20 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper
And I can do that for myself; I’m not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and weakness.

Clip Art Graphic of a Pillar Cartoon Character

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
No matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.

Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people
Because God is mute, and He doesn’t give advice or try to fix things.
He just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I’ll listen to you.

– Anonymous

Does he love, I want to know?

Hi everyone

This week I’m going to re-post something I wrote for my personal blog because I think it is appropriate for this site as well.

Rose opening Animation

Here’s the link:

Do you know what an Emotional Manipulator looks like?

Power & Control (man & woman on couch)

How often have you heard words like “that person is a Narcisssist” or “he/she has a Borderline Personality” or “she’s Anti-Social”? Do you realise that these are not just words that can easily be attached to people? These are real mental health conditions and unless you have a qualification is Psychology or a mental health discipline, you are not qualified to use these labels without merit.

People with Personality Disorders are not evil. They have a mental illness. They are not just wilfully behaving badly, they are behaving the way their brain is telling them to behave.

According to the DSM-V diagnostic criteria “Personality disorders are a class of mental disorders characterised by enduring maladaptive patterns of behaviour, cognition and inner experience, exhibited across many contexts and deviating markedly from those accepted by the individual’s culture. These patterns develop early, are inflexible, and are associated with significant distress or disability.”

If you do a search for these disorders on the website for the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) you will find it says “will add description later” because these disorders are so difficult to define.

The question you need to ask yourself is: how do you know if the person you are dating or divorcing has a Personality Disorder or if they are really just behaving badly?

The answer is – it doesn’t matter.

If someone is hurting you physically or manipulating you emotionally, you must stop allowing them to do so. The reason for their behaviour is irrelevant. We need to realise and understand that people can be dangerous even if they are not “evil”. No matter how much empathy you have for the other person’s struggles, you do not deserve to be mistreated or abused.

Power and Control (Groom & Bride)

Looking back on your relationship with an emotional manipulator, if you think about the behaviour they displayed at the beginning of your relationship you will see the following red flags were present:

1. An intense, sometimes urgent, courting period
2. Pressure to commit to an exclusive relationship before you knew each other well or felt totally comfortable doing so
3. Tendencies to being jealous, explained away with overflowing compliments about how desirable you are, or statements about how “you just don’t get how guys/girls are”
4. Subtle put-downs, often disguised as friendly advice or constructive criticism
5. Dismissive responses to your feelings and your accomplishments
6. Qualified apologies for bad behaviour
7. Your gut tells you something is wrong – never ignore your gut feeling

Always remember that just because you thought you liked someone, agreed to going on a date with them, paid for a few of their meals, had sex with them, told them you love them or anything else, you are never under any obligation to continue a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad or uncomfortable in any way.

No one knows you better than yourself, and if someone is trying to tell you that you are wrong about how you think you feel – RUN!!!! Don’t walk to the nearest exit. RUN!!!!!

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/7-red-flags-emotional-manipulators-wave-ajrt/#sthash.aleczj6o.dput