It may be easier to think in terms such as there are three different kinds of alienated adult children.
The first, could be those that have not realized they were abused by PA or/and HAP abuse. They have been brainwashed, taught to hate, and they carry on in this destructive damaging cycle they were raised in, nothing changes for them.
~ Angry, dysfunctional adult children.
The second, may be the ones that have come to the beginnings of realization about PA or HAP abuse. They may not have acted on it yet, but they are aware of it, they are feeling guilty, they are feeling lost, they are angry at the alienating parent and perhaps still angry at or afraid to approach the alienated parent for fear of rejection. There is a chance the relationships are strained between the child and both parents, as they seek their own path in their own life.
~ Standing alone on no-man’s land.
The third, which is a difficult place to truly come to, but proven possible by many already, could be the adult children that have moved past all of this aftermath, taken responsibility for their life, their choices and their love. The ones that know they do not have to choose between parents, or anyone for that matter. If they are still made to do so, they will choose the people that are best to and for them, the healthier parent, loved one, friend or colleague. They set healthy boundaries, and take a stand against those who challenge those boundaries and may even be a little less forgiving of certain behaviours of others, than some. They have moved past being a victim to becoming a survivor. They have grown-up and mastered the art of living well. It is challenging at times and they may waiver, but they will get through.
~ They have, in its true form, overcome.
This was originally posted on Facebook by a group called: Parenting Beyond Trauma: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=687872024597846&id=474079805977070
NOTE: HAP means Hostile-Aggressive Parenting is a very serious and damaging form of abuse and maltreatment that parents and even other family members can engage in. HAP is most often identified in individuals with controlling and bullying personalities or those with mild to severe personality disorders. HAP can be a factor in all types of parenting arrangements including sole maternal custody, sole paternal custody and joint custody.
In general, parents exhibiting Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting have not succeeded in getting on with their own life and remain, instead, controlled by their negative emotions and continue to exercise power and control over their ex-spouse’s life, their ex-spouse’s parenting and to a large extent, over the children of the relationship as well. HAP parents will blame everyone else except themselves.